Cats do not get along

by Rose
(Indiana)

This seems to be a common problem, but I'm completely stressed to my limit and so sad about the situation.

We have three cats now that my long-term boyfriend and I have moved in together. The male cat (Vinny) is a loner and quite happy to hide in drawers and be by himself. The other two cats, both female, are spunky and playful. However, they do not get along.

When we first moved in, we turned the bedroom into a sanctuary for Emma (one of the female cats). After about a month and a half, we switched so that Eddie (the other female cat) was in the bedroom and Emma could be in the main area of the house to get used to Vinny. Emma and Vinny get along fine. Emma plays, Vinny just does his own thing like always.

About a month ago, we opened up the whole house, which we really needed to do. Our house has no "doors" per se, only archways. It's a small, modest house. So, having the archway to the bedroom boarded up really cramped everything and made maneuvering from room to room difficult.

Emma and Eddie DO NOT get along. Eddie stalks and attacks Emma constantly. It's gotten so bad that Emma hides behind the couch. She started going to the bathroom back there because she was too afraid to come out. Every time she even pokes her little head up from behind the couch, Eddie runs straight for her at top speed, claws out and fur flying. So, we moved Emma's kitty litter, food, and water behind the couch with her. Meanwhile, just so you know, the couch is placed kitty-corner to the corner of the living room, making the space behind it like a triangle. There's a little table back there that we put plants on, and that's what Emma hides under. Behind the couch and under the table. So sad.

We can tell that Emma is stressed. She is sad and lonely. She's meek and shy now, when she used to be animated, plush, and joyful. I try to take time each day on the couch so that Emma can come forward and at least lay on me for a bit. Eddie is a bit more reluctant to attack (but still will) when Emma is on top of me. I also try to play with Emma behind the couch, but she's too nervous or stressed because she knows Eddie will hear and come charging. Similarly, I take time to pet and play with Eddie just as usual so that I'm not favoring either cat or ignoring either cat.

We don't know what to do. We've even tried Feliway and similar pheramone plug-ins and sprays to help calm the kitties. Eddie is still super mean. We even tried giving Eddie a little spray of air (she HATES that) when she goes near Emma and giving Emma treats when she's brave enough to try to come out (and then, giving Eddie treats too when she's being calm and nice). Nothing's working.

We keep thinking we'll have to get rid of Eddie, which would break our hearts because she really is, in all other ways, a super sweet kitty. Last night, she slept on her back right up against my face.

Should we get rid of Eddie? Is there anything we can do? Is it worth the stress on Eddie to find her a new home? We will be full of grief for losing Eddie, but if it makes Emma happy and keeps Eddie in a happy, loving home, maybe we should not be so selfish?

Please help!
Thank you,
Rose

RESPONSE

Rose:

It is so frustrating when 1 cat starts picking on another and you may never figure out why. Both cats are experiencing anxiety and their "fight or flight" mode has kicked in. For Emma, it is flight and for Eddie, it is fight. Both need to lower their anxiety levels.
The fist thing to do is separate them and start the reintroduction process all over again. Confine Eddie to another room. (A bathroom will do if there isn't a separate room she can go to.) Mix their scents by rubbing each with a couple of towels. Put the towel with Eddie's scent out where Emma likes to be and the one with Emma's scent in with Eddie. Confine Emma in Eddie's room and let Eddie out for an hour or so a few times a day to play. Eddie needs to play a lot! Tire her out. After play and attention, put Eddie back and leave Emma out again. Do this for 2 or 3 days.
The next step is to bring Eddie out with Emma. Bring her out in a carrier so they can see and smell each other but Eddie can't get to Emma. If Emma runs away or Eddie hisses and growls, put Eddie back in her room and try again later. When both seem calm, let Eddie out of the carrier. Have a toy and distract Eddie with it. If both cats play - great. If Emma runs or stays at a distance and just watches, that's OK too.
Keep toys like string toys or fishing pole toys stashed around so if Eddie gets aggressive, distract her with them. Squirt her with water from a squirt bottle, using a firm "NO!" or "STOP" (not mist - squirt!) if the toy doesn't distract her from Emma.
Try using Bach Flowers Remedies or Spirit Essences to help the girls cope with the anxiety.(Click the links to the left) We have never had very good luck with Feliway. If Eddie starts being continually aggressive again, go back a step and try again. And remember to keep playing with her a lot to tire her out. A tired cat is a happy cat!
Make sure there are plenty of places for hiding and getting up high. This will help increase Emma's sense of security. It may take several weeks before the girls will learn to tolerate each other and they may likely never become friends but with a little training and patience, they can learn to coexist.

Let us know how it goes!

Donna