adding a male cat to 2 female cats

by bria

I have a 10 year old female Leibshen and a 2 year old femaleSteven. They both fight and tussle, sometimes for fun, and sometimes not. They can go their own separate ways and be fine though. Recently I took in my ex-boyfriend's (boyfriend at the time) 4 year old male cat Damien. This cat is HUGE. Roughly the size of a medium dog. However he is a very mellow and relaxed cat. He can sleep all day, hide forever, and be totally content with it. Leibshen is slightly smaller, and Steven is normal sized (mutant cats, I know). When Steven smells Damien, she growls, hisses, spits, etc. This also happens when we take Leibshen to the vet, and bring her home, Steven hisses at her (smells something?) When Leibshen smells him she doesn't seem negatively phased, only interested. However, when they see each other or some into close proximity of each other, Damien is eager, but Leibshen seems almost skeptical or nervous. But when he is behind closed doors and is meowing, she will be on the other side curious and anxious. And recently when Damien was confronted by Steven, there was growling from both sides, but more from Steven. It has been almost three months of isolation, introductions and coaxing all of them to get to know each other and get along, and it seems like we are barely making progress. My main concern is that being three, there is bound to be some teaming up against one another, and that the two larger cats with team up on the smaller one, Steven (granted Steve instigates more often then not). But I want to maintain as much of his mellowness as possible. He only growls and hisses when it is done to him. We put him in a gigantic kennel for a little while, in hopes that the two will come in and explore (we did this with Steven, and it proved satisfactory), but they don't. I would assume that they would all go their separate ways, but at some point or another they are going to run into each other. Is there any other way to do this?

RESPONSE:

Growling and hissing among cats living together is perfectly normal. And as long as they all are neutered, the sex of the cats has nothing to do with it. It is their way of trying to keep control of their little world and believe it or not, prevent a fight from starting.
Rub Steven with a soft towel or cloth and rub that cloth onto Damien to mix their scents. (This will also help for vet visits.)
Try using Bach Flower Essences or Spirit Essences (Click the links on the left for more info) to help all of them feel more in control and calm. We are always using essences of one kind or another with our cats. They work really well. With all of the cats we have, disagreements among them is common. As long as they are not fighting, we allow them to work out their own issues.
Use fishing pole and throwing toys to distract them and be sure to play with them several times a day. This will help improve their confidence and decrease stress. When they are together in the same room, give them treats. Play and treats will help them to associate good things with each other.
All of the cats may never be friends with each other. And that's OK! You can't expect them to like everybody. After all, are you best buddies with everyone you know?! Let them establish their own level of friendship and intimacy, and, as long as they are not trying to kill each other, don't worry about them. They'll work it out!

Donna
House Full Cats Mom